Update

I have not updated this thing in a while. She ended things. Shortly after our one month anniversary. She said she didn't feel she was the girlfriend I needed. How she enjoyed being single and realized how she missed being single. It has been a couple of weeks now, and she wants to still hang out and everything; and we have a couple of times. It's weird. For me anyway. My feelings of uncertain-ness about everything has absolutely resurfaced. I don't know how she felt or feels about me. She was able to slip back into the way things were quite easily.

I can't do that. I really like this girl...I cannot just jump back into just being friends. Not so fast. I have no doubt she will begin dating again, and I don't think I can be around to hear her dating other guys. I will hear things she has done and experienced with other guys and it makes me uncomfortable because I know for whatever reason; she felt I was unworthy to do those things with or experience things in.

To make a long story short, I dated a girl I was into for a long time, let walls down and began to fell for her, she dumps me, and now I am trying to pick up the pieces.

In a bit of good news, I am being published in my third poetry anthology. In a weird way, my now ex is responsible for this, for I wrote this particular poem about 10 minutes after we got off the phone when she ended things. As much as I love being published; I would rather have her back.

Asia or bust?

i think my time in Missoula is coming to an end soon. As much as I love this town, and I do, it just seems to be a dead end. The big reason I am here is still is to give this relationship I am in a chance and that may not even work out. I just get the feeling she isn't in to this thing we have. If that ends up being the case, I am gone. Time to shake the dust of zoo town off of my big black feet. But where to?

South Korea is a possibility. I can get a position teaching out there and save money. Same with Japan and the JET program. I would have done the JET program last year, but I got some of my materials past the deadline date. This year I am going to give it another shot. I think it will be good for me to do some traveling around the world before I re-settle somewhere in the states. I love Missoula, but it was not meant to be a forever kind of thing.

Quick hit of the Pineapple Express

So the last 3 days, I have seen Pineapple Express twice, and wanted to do a quick write up on it. Very funny movie. I don't think it was the strongest out of the Apatow collective (that will go to 40 Year Old Virgin or Knocked Up) but some great one liners out of this flick. James Franco who I always enjoyed watching as an actor literally stole the show in this movie. I hope he gets more work because of it. The rancor line made me laugh like I have not laughed in a while; especially because not too many people caught it. If there is anyone reading this, and I doubt it, go see Pineapple Express.

Dazed and Confused

Yesterday the girlfriend and I celebrated one month together. I suppose it was more my idea than hers. I've been happy this month, incredibly so; and I wanted to do something special for her to show that. I got her this set of nice earrings, as she had mentioned to me that she did not have many, and enjoys wearing them. I like this girl, I care for her; I've known her for 2 years now and somewhere was always hoping that the timing would work and we would have a chance at something. Now we do.

I just don't think she feels the same way. I try to put my arm around her or hold her hand she will pull away. That kind of hurts a little. I don't think I am being too touchy feely or anything but it would be nice if she grabbed my hand sometimes; or made me feel like she wants me to do it. She's on her phone constantly, texting somebody. It sucks because sometimes I will text her and I won't get a response for a long time, when I know she carries on texting conversations consistently with other people; most of the time when we are hanging out. I feel as if we are friends just hanging out instead of 2 people in a relationship. I guess this is just me venting, wanting her to treat me more like a boyfriend. I'm getting too old for this stuff. It just makes me incredibly self conscious and doubt that she actually wants to do this thing-which she says she does. Ugh. Got to love the twists and turns life gives you huh.

Relationships and the like

It's been a while since my last update but much has happen since my last update and of course I would vent about things here, where not too many people would know where to look.

I'm in a relationship now. It's an early one, about to hit a month soon, but I have known this girl for two years before this and she is a fantastic girl. We have many things in common, similar interests, and she is just plain cute and awesome to be around. I think she is great. What bothers me though is it seems I am suffering from the effects of past boyfriends who have hurt her in the past. I guess it's a little frustrating for I understand the need for walls and defenses (I have my own) I feel she is not opening up to me the way I would like her to. I guess I would just like her to be less closed off to me.

I was seriously considering leaving Missoula, really soon in fact. But I really feel this can go somewhere special, and she is a special girl so I will stay to see this through. My heart is not in Missoula anymore, and even with my somewhat new job it is not enough to keep me here. I want to leave. But her; and the potential this thing between us has, I'm willing to stick it out here a little while longer.

Frustrations abound

The great thing about blogging is essentially it is a nice sounding board sometimes. For getting stuff off of your chest. I am going to do one of those now. This is regarding someone who would like to think he is a scummy porn director and whose initials are MF. Frankly the funny thing is that can also stand for mother f'er because that's how he acts a lot. If you're reading this my friend, please take this advice:

A lot of people think you are a creeper dude. You do not think about things before you say it, and end up alienating a lot of people. I know you gave a big f you to those in the town where your high school is, but I would reconsider doing the same thing here. True friendships are hard to find, and you are danger of loosing a few of them.

Just a public service announcement.

Relaunch

The relaunch has begun again!